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You may not understand
Why i’m like this way
Im a complicated man
wasting away today
You could say I’m an outcast
A loner
You wouldn’t be so wrong to say that
I’ve been struggling for years
finding my place man
working myself to the bone
for a minimum wage
has got me, sitting on a couch
at a dutty rave
wondering what the F am I doing in this place
everyone seems wasted
maybe I should have some of that
what you got to lose, take it
now we’re at some flat
all these white lines are racked
I’m thinking what the hell is that
and where the hell is james and matt?
in the blink of eye i’m trapped
in a world of mumble rap
baseball caps and beanie hats
and wannabe héros on instagram,
I think of the streets where i came from
and how we used to fool around
the kissing gates at the end of graveyard
and can’t help but frown
how have I fallen so far from the tree of innocence
to this point right here?
It’s 8 in the morning, and matt’s just got
back from the shops with a crate of beer
through blood shot eyes I peer
out the window of this flat
and down on the street I lock eyes
with a man who looks like me, looking back
we exchange a look which says
what the Fck, I must be mad
matt passes a beer and we break our gaze
and I grab the can
spun out I think what was that
and turn around again to glance back
but he’s gone
WHAT WAS THAT?
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what is my purpose
where am I going
was it all worth it?
the strength that i’m showing
is growing, day by day
as I try to make peace for my mates
the inner me screams and calls for grace
but I still just ignore it
pouring lager down my throat and
throwing caution to cure it
but it doesn’t equate
I’ve tried my best
to help you out man
but you won’t listen
so I’m out
I’ve exhausted all of energy
trying to remedy YOU
that It’s me who’s the enemy
man I’m just telling the truth
see the bitterest truth
is better than sweetest lie
and my persona outside of my mind
may come a surprise
coz when you hear this track
there’s no disguise
there’s no
"look at me smashing my life"
it’s just the demon inside
so where do you hide
forget it, it’s all in your mind
forget it, it’s all in your mind
I’ve been devoted to something
most of my life
and neglected the thing I need the most
someone by my side
someone by my side
every fling i’ve had
has either fallen apart
because of my love of the art
or because I couldn’t start to
love myself
So here is my broken heart
here is my broken heart
I’m not asking for forgiveness
or pity or more
I accept my responsibilities and
don’t blame you at all..
and blame
I was the fool that never
saw the wall I’d built around myself
and it all and no it ain't cool
So this hole is just something I fall into
some night’s I long for it all to wash away
and start again
choose a different path of which to pave and blend
empathy with the energy I have now
I’m done with making amends
and i’m done with making new friends
because even now as I’m letting my guard down
my pen is writing this all by itself
i don’t even have to think about it
and yes it helps
it’s funny it’s the only thing that saved my life
was music, if it wasn’t music i’d
have died, way back when on that night
it’s kept me alive, and I use it
and this may sound stupid but
now I’m in a predicament
I’m depressed as hell but these meds
won’t let me create so I suffer in HELP
it’s either take the meds and go back into my shell
or live my life messed up for a spell
so I’ve got a story to tell
while I still can
my name is Michael Curran
I’m a man of a thousand projects and
stand taller than any object around
and I’m devoted to this sound.
what comes next is us just falling out
forget what you think
it’s not what you know
it’s what you’re about
coz In my mind’s eye
I see it out
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I’ve wandered around here for ages,
searching for purpose
but all i see are strangers
burning their wages on gurners
I’m done with these partying days
deep is the scratch on the surface
burning the candle this way
can only end up in a fate in a furnace
walking the path that I’ve seen
meeting the people I’ve met
has opened my ears and eyes
to walks of life but it’s left me depressed
coz now when I pick up my pen
it spills out ink and tears
so it’s no surprise when I write like this
I am facing my fears
and flow with an energy deeper than
valleys and canyons, in far out places
I’m supposed to be making a change
but I cannot find my motivation
so I’m writing today
from the edge of a cliff once again
throwing my caution out to the wind
like hello again my really old friend
where the hell have you been
you’ve been underachieving
you were suppose to be up there and
leading the sheep, not stuck in a scene!
I break down and I breathe
deep and then let out a scream
here lies the face of a fiend
ready to die,
and it’s blatant to see
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about
"There is a dark place I go to at times to channel my inner hurt and frustrations and I wanted to do something so shocking, so out there that it hits home to many.
There is a message behind this EP and if you listen through a few times, you might just get it. It'll take a few listens and maybe a few revisits to understand what it is I'm truly trying to say... Life is life, some people suffer in silence and some people scream and shout. Some people drown themselves in booze or worse and I wanted something so realistic and heartfelt. That it pulled on the feels straight from the off.
This EP is about the realities of which we face and I'm not a massive f#*k up, but I have struggled, a lot in fact.
It's only recently where I've realised the extent of which I have been suffering.
Writing, for me, is cathartic. It's a way to release stress and energy and has helped me so much in the past, I've never had a good hand dealt to be honest but I like to think that I make the best out f bad situations.
I have to vent like the rest of you and although it seems like I am directly demeaning me and those around me, it's just not like that.
You CAN get over yourself, you CAN strive to be better, treat people better, be at peace with yourself, love your life. Just because you are depressed and down does not mean you have to suffer in silence, or feel that you have no options.
People listen, people hurt, people hate the truth and people eventually appreciate that the bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.
Saying you're okay when you're clearly not is a true example of this.
If you get offended by anything I say or how I come across, then good. It's supposed to be shocking.
I've always tried to experiment with music and if this is not to your taste, that's okay. If you don't get it, that's okay too. Maybe one day you just might.
I'm a struggling survivor like many out there and try my best to make music to relate to, sometimes with an underlining message.
This EP is something I had to write, not only to get over myself. But to aide those and inform people they are NOT alone. Sometimes you can get so blinded by other people's issues that you neglect yourself, you slip and slip until you reach breaking point.
Take care of yourselves. Take a breath and focus on you. Just because you are trying to help others, does not mean you cannot help yourself. There are some out there who want, and need help but won't take advice and unfortunately, there's just no helping those. They need to find their own way and process their issues just like you do.
If you are struggling, you can and will find ways to ease the pain and stress. I'm thankful for the ability to write. It literally saved my life. Some aren't so fortunate to have a skill to tap into but that does not mean that it is the be all and end all. It's okay to not be okay. Remember that.
Stay strong everybody."
Copius
credits
released April 19, 2019
RY X, Copius (Michael Curran)
license
all rights reserved
